she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
