my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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