I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
