I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
