dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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