Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
True college students do jello shots in the library
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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