I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
