i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
