So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
