I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
