I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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