smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
