worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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