if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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