that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
