Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
