As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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