just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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