I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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