I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
