Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
