Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
