whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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