fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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