That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
