I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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