just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
