Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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