i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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