If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
