If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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