Please, let me fuck your mom
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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