His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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