That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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