I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
