id be glad to
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
