He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
