Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
