I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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