in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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