I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
