Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
