arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
