how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
