Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
