my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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