this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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