yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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