i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
