and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
