Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
