how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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