Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
