Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
