last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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