guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
