you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
