The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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