This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
