i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
