So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
dude. I can hear the air.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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