I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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