Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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