Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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