If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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