No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
