Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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