guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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