i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
