Someone shit on the floor
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize