Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
