i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
