the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
