i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That's intense
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize