I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
