Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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