Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
