My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.