i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's