Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.