My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
