the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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