I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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