just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize