She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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