girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
soo... how was my night?
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