You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
