She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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