This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My penis needs a shock collar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
