What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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