You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
