I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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